Just when we thought it was safe to come out of the closet we discover there is another closet in the LGBTQI community -- and it's mighty crowded behind that closed door.
Same sex / same gender Intimate Partner Violence (IPV), aka Domestic Violence (DV) is real and is comparably tragic in dynamics, occurrences, and deaths to that of non-LGBTQI people.
Abuse shows up in various ways. All abuse is centered around one partner taking power from and controlling the other partner. Below are eight common ways in which IPV/DV show up in a relationship. If you are courageous, can you admit which are present in your current-- or was present in your last tragically ending-- relationship? Are you being abused? Are you the abuser? Awareness is the first step in eradicating this behavior from your life and your love life.
As I thrive beyond being in an abusive relationship in which seven of the eight factors were present, and with her continuing to use two of them at a distance, the straw that broke the camel's back for me was "Using Children." You may be in love, in lust, in convenience, in the in crowd, a pillow princess, or an OG stud; but if your partner, girlfriend, boo, bae, or next ex does any of these-- you are in an abusive relationship!:
- If you are a woman, partner tells you that your male child cannot live in or visit her her home.
- Demands you send your child to live with the other parent, family member, or out on the street.
- Threatens to call police to remove your child from the home just because she doesn't want him there.
- Makes you feel guilty about being queer and having had hetero performed sex to conceive.
- Interferes with court-ordered visitation and/or child support arrangements.
- Criticizes you for how you raise your children; except if you are indeed negligent.
Whether you are being victimized-- or if you are the perpetrator-- know that October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month and you don't have to be silent anymore!
You will be believed.
There is help available for you to strategize, get out, get reestablished, and to thrive.