06 October 2014

Domestic Violence Month -- Hashtag and Help

#whyIstayed is a victim's buy-in to being blamed for her own abuse.  #whyIstayed demands a person in an abusive relationship justify am implied complicity in their own abuse.  #whyIstayed is victim shaming veiled as awareness giving.

#whydoyouhither places appropriate blame and responsibility upon the abuser.  #whydoyouhither demands an abuser articulate in his own words the insanity he has normalized and justified.  #whydoyouhither could be the first step in transforming an abuser to being repentant with reparations to go and sin no more.

Next time you are aware of an abuser abusing, ask this, "why do you hit her / him?"  Hold their attention long enough for them to answer.  You may be uncomfortable, but she may get to live another day.

If his answer begins with, "Because she …." that is an indicator that the abuser has drank his own kool-aid of delusion -- as if anyone can make him do anything that he does not willfully and want to do.   "Because she…" is a veiled attempt to absolve himself from being responsible for his emotional health and stability.  "Because she…" has been his mental escape hatch when the awfulness of bone breaking is felt under fist.

When he begins to explain, "Because she…" interrupt with a very clear repeat of the question, "But, why do YOU hit her?" Each time.  All the time. As many times as it takes to make a new groove in his consciousness that his choice to hit her is HIS choice.  And that making that choice will come with increasing consequences because now YOU are aware that he / she is an abuser.

Be silent no more; but ask the right question, "Why do you hit her?" instead of #whydoyoustay

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